There's a popular saying extolling the virtues of mindfulness: "Don't just do something; sit there."
That is a terrible idea when it comes to couples therapy! It's not what most people want, and it's not enough. In fact, the top complaint of dissatisfied clients in couples therapy is that, although some found their therapist empathetic and even insightful, "she didn't do anything" or "he didn't give us skills to do better."
It's not easy sorting out the tangled, complex pieces of a couple's marriage; most of us have a hard time understanding how this person we fell in love with won't give us what we most want--be it sex, sympathy, help with the kids or a sense of security. And the truth is that most graduate programs do not prepare therapists to do the heavy lifting of working with couples and families.
So, couples must shop carefully, and once in therapy, be proactive about getting good help. Here are some things to look for:
Lots of negatives to the questions? It's time to go find someone better for you. Your relationship needs it. Your relationship is worth it.
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